Running on Fumes

I drove back to my mother’s side for the second time in a week last night. It was a four hour drive in the dead of night. I didn’t play music on the drive over. Intrusive thoughts seem to be loud enough.

My hand fell asleep a few times, from gripping the wheel really hard. It is things like that that have been eating up the last reserves of my energy these days. I have been clenching my hands quietly at my sides, grinding my teeth, twisting my toes in my shoes. I should save that physical energy.

There has been plenty of “bad” news to report. There is a little bit of “decent” news. But nothing really too much to get excited about.

I’m playing protector of my mom these days—I don’t have the option. But even if I did, I would choose the path I am currently taking.

I’m currently sitting at the hospital while my mom has her PET scan. I pray for the best.

I feel like this is the calm before the storm.